[Day 2]: “Tired, anxious but not really ashamed. “

Everything was good until last night when I got hung up writing my last post (oh the irony). That triggered a chain reaction that ended with me staying up and working past 11pm. In fact then I went to bed half past midnight. Tired, anxious but not really ashamed–because I got a ton of things done.

Unfortunately, today I woke up at 5 AM stared at my alarm with utter indifference before hitting snooze and sleeping till 6:30 AM. All the time I need to do the essentials for the morning, which is something I suppose. The evening was better. It was productive at least.

I have made really good progress on my short story series. I feel like the constraint of writing it during my lunch break is really helping me be creative. The subject matter doesn’t hurt either. The progress in the book his harder. I need a hook that gets me excited about it so I can have a shot at writing something an actual reader would enjoy.

Anyways, let’s see the damage.

Problem

The problem that I have is that I am more productive at night. I am also more energetic, excitable, and in overall good mood. A part of me doesn’t want to give it up and I don’t blame it. That’s my favorite part of myself.

The part that is self-motivated, adventurous, and creative. A part I have, for a long time, treated as childish. But today I thought of the wonder of being a child. Childhood is full of big and small experiences, overrun by feeling of being mighty and helpless, and unbound in its faith in what is possible.

Everything I treat as childish and as problems is in fact what inspires me and honestly just brings some much needed fun into my life. What defeats me isn’t distraction or temptation but blandness. The literal fear of a bland life that keeps me up at night.

It’s being an idea of someone who enjoys life instead of actually enjoying it.

How childish is that?

Solution

It’s simple really.  The solution is to do nothing. I am going to sit back and be patient. It may sound contrary to what I said yesterday  but being on a journey means also means crossing a distance. To deal with what’s happened and then relax and not let it end or ruin the trip.

Discipline, success and goals drive me but I can’t be successful at them without inspiration. I don’t think I’d enjoy it very much if I did.

Discipline depending on the context can mean punishment. Success in one area can leave you starving for it in another. Goals can only motivate you until you reach them.

Do nothing and be grateful. That’s the plan. Accept this was one day closer.

If you’re reading this let this be a reminder to both of us that: “You Are Allowed to be Creative”.

It’s ok to squeeze some time out of my day to write and work on things that make me happy.

That doesn’t sound so childish to me.

A big thanks to Cristian Mihai for writing this: What I Learned from Reading A LOT of Personal Development Books   it was big source of inspiration today.

Today’s addition to the play list is— The Spinners – ” Rubberband Man”

 

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